


The Magnus Archives AUs

by treetopcat



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Asexual Character, Jon Can’t Say Words, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pokemon, Sometimes I hyperfocus so hard on an AU for one day and then can't touch it for three years, Sometimes you just have to have creature companions in a fear world, Texan Martin Blackwood, asexual author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25757659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treetopcat/pseuds/treetopcat
Summary: These are some little musings my brain has.Various AUs that have been loosely formatted.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 44
Kudos: 58





	1. Texan Martin Blackwood AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a silly little thing that was eating at my brain. I thought that maybe someone else out there may enjoy it as well. 
> 
> Do note, there are some mentions of religion (specifically Christianity). It's my first time really doing this, so I don't know if that's a TW or???

Texan Martin AU

I don't know how, when, or why he got to the UK, but he did.

Ofc there are obvious things that confuse him like taxes and free healthcare, but he is also more of a country boy, so taking the tube is super anxiety-inducing.

Also, not smiling at strangers? Or saying hello? Or just nodding in understanding when you see someone you're used to??? Martin is Confused.

OH and when he let's a dog loose into the archives. And he meets Jon.

Martin thinks he doesn't have an accent, but he DOES

•When he let's the dog into the Archives and runs into Jon, he is immediately thrilled because it's someone who can help him!

•So Martin just walks up to Jon and asks:

•”Have you seen a dog ’round here?”

•And it's this thick country accent that just FLOORS Jon. Like he gaps for a solid three seconds before going, ”Pardon?”

•Like, Jon’s thinking: ”Strange American man in the archives??? Who do I call to get him out???”

•And finding out that this is Jon’s new assistant that he Did Not authorize for is like a punch in the face

•Martin just proves all of the American stereotypes in Jon’s eyes

•Loud, careless, and overly friendly

•Martin’s just trying to be a good employee

•But giving your boss sweet tea instead of English tea makes it a lot worse

•”I’m so sorry, ,, I just made it how my Momma liked it.”

•Jon, exasperated: ”It’s fine, Martin.”

~~•Elias is having a blast~~

On a more serious note, he definitely struggled with close-minded beliefs for a while. He wasn't as conservative as most people in Texas can get, but he did have some internalized things he had to get deal with. 

Anyways, another Texas thing: The Weather.

•Martin grew up in East Texas, where it's hot AND wet. He's very thankful for the supposed lack of tornadoes, but flooding does not sound fun.

•Snow, however, is like a dream come true for Martin.

•He's seen snow twice in his life

•The first time it properly snows and Martin is there to see it, he's like a kid on Christmas day

•He runs out into the street and just grabs a handful to put into his pockets

•However, he gets sick because he grossly underestimated how cold it can actually get

•Winds up showing up at the Archives with a running nose and wet pockets, but he is Very Happy

•Martin, dripping snot and water everywhere: ”I just had The Best Time”

Texan Martin is, somehow, 10x more violent than Canon Martin.

After the Jane Prentiss incident, he started legitimately researching the gun-carrying laws for the UK. However, after seeing that personal protection wasn't a valid reason for owning one, he decided it was best not to risk it.

He ended up using the same corkscrew.

Also, when he started burning statements, Martin didn't just keep the Archive door locked; he barricaded it. Martin got through two whole boxes of statements before Elias manages to get through.

”Martin I can’t get through.”

”Well, bless your heart.”

”Martin— Martin open this door.”

”Sorry Elias, can’t really do that right now. There's some drawers in the way. And boxes. Maybe a desk or two.”

~~Whenever Elias does get through, it goes pretty much like canon.~~

•Martin loves spiders except for Black Widows

•He knows they can be dangerous, and doesn't hesitate to kill a black spider if he sees even a bit of red on it.

•He also likes Daddy Longlegs, but he has to make sure no other animals are near them

•Honestly, he stills loves animals just as much as in canon

•Especially the highland cows.

•”They're not my usual type of cows, but these versions are fluffy!!!”

•He used to have cows that lived around where he did, and he called them the Unhappy Cows because they kept mooing saddly.

• ~~Jon listens to him ramble on about cows and just smiles at his odd American boyfriend~~

Even though he isn't very religious, he does end up saying a lot of those phrases.

•”Bless you” any time someone sneezes

•Tim once snuck up on Martin and scared him so badly he went: ”Oh sweet Jesus.”

Tim thought this was hilarious and kept trying to see what phrase he’d get each time

•”Dear Lord”

•”Oh G-d”

•”Sweet Baby Jesus”

•”Lord in Heaven”

•Once, Tim just got a string up curses instead. Martin asked him to stop after that.

Religion can be a kind of touchy subject for Martin. He definitely has an odd relationship with God.

However, if he thinks someone needs it, Martin will ask if it’d be okay to pray for them. If they say no, he leaves it be, but if they say yes, he will pray out loud for them.

•At first, nobody realizes that Martin is explicitly Texan.

•Tim and Sasha look at this new American man, look at each other, and then decide: Yes. We must make this into a game.

•They start taking notes on certain things Martin says and does in order to figure out which Southern state Martin came from.

•”Yeah, we used to do these state mandatory tests. They were awful.”

•Tim, looking away from Drunk Martin and to Sasha, ”wRite that down, Sasha. Write it down.”

•They were very disappointed to find out that they need to find out the specific name of the test.

They made it a rule that Sasha couldn't hack the system to find out.

•They finally find out when Martin offhandedly says: ”I’m fixin’ to head up to the library, do y'all need anything while I'm there?”

•As soon as he leaves, Tim and Sasha race to their computers

•Tim has never googled something so fast in his life

•When he comes back with a bunch of books Tim does, ”We found you out, Texas Man!”

•And after some questions, Martin basically says, ”I would have told you if you had asked???”

•”But that wouldn't have been as fun.”

Whenever the assistants talk about school stuff, someone has to translate for Martin, or they do some weird charades stuff to figure out what the heck Martin is trying to say.

•”I had this really mean teacher in Kindergarten, she sucked.”

•”My first-grade teacher accidentally locked me out during a school shooter drill.”

•”I don't know why we used to say the pledge for the United States AND Texas.”

•Tim, Sasha, and occasionally Jon: ”,, what???”

On the other hand,

•Tim: ”I use to hate the uniforms they gave us. I tried to keep the tie as weird looking as possible.”

•Sasha, spinning from her chair: ”Oh I know. And I remember how the boys used to peanut each other. Always got in trouble for that one.”

•Martin, visibly teary: ”Huh???”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source: I am Martin
> 
> If anyone wants to see more of these, give me a sign? I have a lot of AU stuff piled up, and I wouldn't mind sharing em. 
> 
> Have a lovely day/night!


	2. Pokemon AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever wondered how the Fears would affect the world of Pokemon? Cause same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it hasn't even been a day since the first chapter, but this smacked me in the face and demanded I write it. 
> 
> To those who commented on chapter one: I love you. I'd die for you. I hope this is as good as the first one.

So, Pokemon AU

Imagine this: Tiny Jonathan Sims leaving the house to wander the streets, and a Rowlet following behind him.

•Because CPS apparently doesn't exist in the Pokemon world, Jon’s Nan didn’t mind that he was eight and already wandering the streets. He just has to have a Pokemon first.

•Jon had spent a long time looking at all the different options for starters before deciding that Rowlet would be the best

• ~~The reason was the type advantage he had over his bullies. He lived in a seaside town after all.~~

When he has his encounter with Mr. Spider, he decides: ”Well, ,,better get a fire-type Pokemon,” and ends up catching a Vulpix.

It took a while, but he trained her to come out of her ball whenever he screeched, so she can kill a spider or faint a spider-type Pokemon.

•The issue with this, however, is that now Vulpix gets out of her ball WHENEVER he screeches

•And. Burns. Everything.

•His Nan once made a sound that was similar to Jon’s when she stubbed her toe

• They had to replace all the curtains

~~When his Nan dies, Jon releases all her Pokemon except for her shiny Lapras, Lassie.~~

When Jon was in uni, he ended up getting into training for a bit, and leveled up Rowlet until he evolved into Decidueye and got a firestone for Vulpix to evolve.

•That's how he met Georgie, she whipped his ass

•Jon fell in love

•She thought he was cute

•Georgie, flirting: ”You know, ,, you take really good care of your Pokemon’s fur and feathers ;) ;) ;))”

•Jon, smitten and clueless: ”They can actually clean themselves. I just help them a little.”

•Their Pokemon, in the background: not verbally but emotionally ”what”

When he first gets the Head Archivist job, Elias says that the Pokemon actually have free reign over the Archives, and they can be out of their balls down there.

•Jon, externally: ”That makes sense. Definitely. Yes, I understand.”

•Jon, internally: ”Seems unprofessional but go off I guess :/”

His first day was Martin running up to him and asking if he’d seen a Zigzagoon.

•And OF COURSE, he’d seen a Zigzagoon

•They're literally everywhere

Nope. Apparently, it's Martin's actual Pokemon. That he managed to lose.

•As they're talking about where Ziggy the Zigzagoon may or may not have gone off to, a little Joltik peaks out of Martin’s jumper

•AndJonSCREAMS

•Ninetales pops out of her ball and scorches Martin and his Joltik

•She manages to knock the poor thing out

•Martin is Horrified and leaves to see if he can heal Cuddlebug

•Tim comes by later saying that there's a Zigzagoon hiding in his desk and Jon just sighs

I'm not sure how the Fears would exactly correlate with Pokemon, but here's what I got:

•There are still actual animals and organisms that are not necessarily Pokemon in the world

•That means that Jane Prentiss can still be filled with the ugly white worms

•However, I think it also means that she can kind of control bug-type Pokemon

•Fears can use certain types of Pokemon to help instill those fears

•The Lonely convinces you to get rid of your Pokemon, The Vast uses flying type Pokemon to help manipulate you, The Distortion uses Pokemon’s moves to confuse you. Things like that

•Those that have had encounters with these Fear Pokemon aren't sure if they are actual Pokmon or just things like the Avatars.

~~Sometimes they are just illusions, but for some Avatars like Michael and eventually Jon, it’s sadly their original Pokemon that have befallen the same fate.~~

Tim specializes in Fairy-type Pokemon

•He used to do Beauty Competitions and won a lot of ribbons

•All his Pokemon participated in at least one beauty competition

•Even his Blaziken

~~•Which was originally his brother’s~~

Sasha specializes in Grass-type Pokemon

•It was kind of an accident

•When she was younger, she thought that Bulbasaur was adorable

•And kind of kept catching grass-types

•She actually has the strongest Pokemon out of all of the Archival assistants

•Plus, she used to be a proper trainer until she settled down into a job she liked

•She thinks that's part of the reason Gertrude liked her

The only Pokemon that Martin really ’has’ is a Yamper.

•Ziggy the Galarian Zigzagoon was his first Pokemon, but she wasn't properly caught in a ball

•Cuddlebug the Joltik was found ON Chedder the Yamper

•And he only recently met Mx. Earl Grey the Polteageist in the library

•Mx. Earl Grey has been tough to interact with because all they want to do is change Martin’s teacups into Pokemon like themself

•”What if you only turned ONE cup???”

•Teapot lid clinking together

•”Okay, ,,how about no cups?”

•Angrier clinking noises

•”Alright. I'm glad we’ve come to an agreement, Earl.”

Elias _definitely_ has some extremely high-leveled and ’expensive’ looking Pokemon. Plus, he has a full party. Would probably have a Mega Tyranitar.

”Don't you think it's weird Mr. Bouchard has such powerful Pokemon?”

”I hear it's normal for the Institute heads to trade Pokemon whenever they transfer.”

”Huh. That's odd.”

Whenever Sasha meets Michael, she is shocked to see he has an ACTUAL Pokemon, and not an illusion or fake one like she’d read about in statements.

Like Michael, it looks like a normal Indeedee but if you REALLY look at it, its horns are all gnarled and twisted. It's hard to look at it like Michael, in a way that it seems like it's so brightly saturated against the rest of the world.

•Sasha, while she's staring at the Indeedee: Is—Is that real?

•Yes, Sasha, very real.

  * Scarily real



•Changes the whole way Pokemon and these monsters interact with each other real

During the whole worm incident, there's a few changes

•Jon’s Ninetales and Tim’s Blaziken get similar worm scars

•Chedder helps Martin find Gertrude’s dead body, and also helps get him out of the tunnels.

•When Sasha is replaced by the Not!Them, it also replaces her Pokemon

•Turns out Sasha has a fear of Pokemon.

~~•Although Tim keeps finding treats for Grass-type Pokemon he knows he never got~~

Melanie only has one Pokemon and that's a Weavile that used to be her Dad’s when he was younger.

It's convenient that he knows moves that can help with ghost hunting.

It's also partly the reason she was able to see through the Not!Them.

•Weavile and Melanie seeing the weird woman at the hospital: AA

•Weavile and Melanie seeing Jon: AAA

•Weavile and Melanie seeing the Not!Them: AAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the kind of abrupt end! I may or may not make a part two for this AU because I have so many other ideas and details I didn't even mention in this one.


	3. Jonathan Sims Can’t Pronounce Words AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan Sims read too many big words when he was younger and just decided to assign pronunciations to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry in advance.

Jonathan Sims can’t pronounce words AU

Aka I’m projecting and forcing y’all to come along with me.

Jon has always had a, uh, weird way with words, but it was just the basic stuff when he was younger.

He was very, very, VERY stubborn about it, too. He got into so many arguments with his Nan.

  * His Nan, almost to the point of ripping her hair out: ”Jonathan Sims, for the last time: the word is baptized.”
  * After a beat: ”Bapti-tized.”
  * ”No!”



For a long time, she thought it was just a phase, and that it had gone away. As it turns out, Jon just, ,,doesn't say the words out loud.

Jon kind of just assumes that everyone around him is pronouncing things wrong. And, in his defense, _who was supposed to teach him about phonics?_

It's in uni when he's dating Georgie that it REALLY comes to light.

  * The first word that Georgie gets to witness is Nazis



  * They're studying for a history quiz when Jon casually says ”Na-see”
  * Georgie has to pause writing to stare at Jon and ask, ”Yo—you mean Nazi?”
  * And Jon just looks at her dumbfounded



  * ”I thought that was just how Americans said it—”
  * ”—whAT”



Georgie starts noticing more words after that.

”Fa-cade”, ”Home-age”, and”A-chill-es” are some of Georgie’s favorites.  


  * They're playing Go Fish and Georgie asks for fives and Jon very seriously says ”Goldfish.”
  * She starts keeping a list after that



Every time they discover a new word Jon just dejectedly says, ”Add it to the list.”

Even after they break up, they still keep in contact, even if it's just to add more words to the list.

  * When Jon first hears about the Archive while he's working in Research, he just blue screens



  * Jon, hiding in the bathroom, frantically texting Georgie: ”Is it ar-chive or archive?”
  * ”What do you mean?”
  * He sends her an audio message of him saying ”ar-chive” and pronouncing ”chive” like the plant
  * He just gets ”No!!!” back
  * ”Fuck. Add it to the list :(”



It's part of the reason he messes up Martin’s name so often. He doesn't even realize he’s doing it unless someone points it out.   
  


It's also why he got calliope wrong. 

  * For words like anonymous and omit, he just doesn't hear a difference when he says it. So Jon ends up looking like a fool saying ”a-nom-onymous” or ”ah-mit”



  * For other words like lamenting and melancholy, it's either because he's mentally added or gotten rid of letters. Which in turn makes the words sound like ”mel-ca-nee” or just ”laminating” 



When he starts taking statements, Jon starts suspecting things earlier because he’s suddenly discovering words he had been pronouncing wrong. 

  * After listening to himself say ”...discerning...” instead of ”diskerning”
  * Jon: that one shrek face



~~Truthfully, this doesn't change too much of canon, it's just a good gag for the characters.~~

  * Season One Jon just angrily muttering with the sound of typing in the background
  * Season Three Jon where he tells Georgie that The Admiral looks at her with ”..such adortion.” And she just laughs at him
  * Season Four Jon reading out his list to Daisy to make her laugh



Martin absolutely LOVES it when he discovers a word that Jon can't pronounce.   


  * Jon’s face almost always go from :0 to >:0 to :( as he goes through the five stages of grief 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an actual AU in the works, don't worry. Also, I used this as an opportunity to add some tags and to test out the A03 bullet-point formatting. I'm not sure if there's a difference? 
> 
> Oh, and here's my list, which is where I got all the words from.
> 
> 1\. Nazis = Na-see  
> 2\. Melancholy = Melca-nee  
> 3\. Archive = Ar-chive  
> 4\. Self deprecating = Self depricting  
> 5\. Baptize = Bap-ti-tize  
> 6\. Political = Poli-tis-shal  
> 7\. Pneumonia = P-neumonia  
> 8\. Colonel = Cal-a-nel  
> 9\. Hibiscus = Hib-i-cus  
> 10\. Harbinger = Har-bringer  
> 11\. Lamenting = Laminating  
> 12\. Discern = Diskern  
> 13\. Prejudiced = Prejudice  
> 14\. Indigenous = In-dig-enous  
> 15\. Digress = Di-gress  
> 16\. Omit/Omitted = Ahmit  
> 17\. Reminiscing = Remin-is-king  
> 18\. Facade = Fa-cade  
> 19\. Tinnitus = Tit-ti-nitus  
> 20\. Adoration = Adortion  
> 21\. Stifling = Stiff-iling  
> 22\. Comparable = Com-pair-ble  
> 23\. Bedraggled = Bed-raggled  
> 24\. Homage = Home-age  
> 25\. Go fish = Gold fish  
> 26\. Reciprocate = Re-coperate  
> 27\. Maelstrom = Mail-storm  
> 28\. Nonchalance= Non-ch-alance  
> 29\. Testosterone = Tes-stro-phon  
> 30\. Estrogen = Estro-phon  
> 31\. Anonymous = A-nom-mous  
> 32\. Achilles = A-chill-es  
> 33\. Fallacy = Fall-a-see  
> 34\. Heron = Herion  
> 35\. Synonymous = Sy-nom-nymous  
> 36\. Anatomy = Autonomy  
> 37\. Plaintiff = Plane-tiff  
> 38\. Disorient = Disorientate


End file.
